


I'm Here

by writerattempt



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Amy Santiago, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Rosa Diaz, Bisexuality, F/F, Gay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Long-Term Relationship(s), Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Panic Attacks, Relationship(s), Rosa Riaz speaks Spanish, Self-Harm, Spanish dialogues, murder case, unsolved case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerattempt/pseuds/writerattempt
Summary: Amy Santiago receives a case in which a family of three (husband, wife and kid) got murdered. She cannot solve it, which plays with her mental health.Rosa has to look for a way to help her girlfriend go through this unusually difficult time.//Self-Harm, Anxiety, Panic Attacks
Relationships: Rosa Diaz & Amy Santiago, Rosa Diaz/Amy Santiago
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> English is my second language, so if something is written in a wrong way, please correct me for future projects.  
> I also don't have a lot of knowledge about this mental health issues, so I tried not to specify a lot on what happens to Amy.  
> Sorry if it is a little crappy.  
> Enjoy.

The light went through the curtain and got over Amy's laptop and files. She's been awake for a while now, working on a case. Trying to crack it. But it wasn't like other easy solvable cases. It was a huge case. A huge, weird, complicated case. The Johnson’s where this three-membered family that was brutally murdered. A husband, a wife and a 5 year older. Even though she had dealt with this type of case before, there was a huge lack of clues. A lack of clues and a long list of potential suspects. It certainly looked like a dead end.

Amy was sitting on the cold floor of the bedroom when someone on the bed next to her made a sound. Amy turned her head almost instantly, with an almost invisible smile on her lips. It was Rosa. Of course, it was Rosa. They’ve been sharing an apartment for a while now. A month and 2 weeks, to be specific.

"Morning, Santiago"

"Morning." Amy talked while getting on her feet and taking a few steps forward the bed. She sat down and got closer to the hairy mess on the other side. Rosa looked tired and sleepy but, somehow, she still managed to look stunning. Amy got close to her and admired her beauty a couple of seconds before she caresses Rosa's cheek while saying in a whisper, almost inaudible, "Happy anniversary, babe" before shortly pressing her lips against Rosa's.

She couldn’t help it. It was too cheesy, but Rosa still loved that cheesy shit for some reason she couldn’t figure out yet. But she loves that woman so much. Rosa wanted more. More of Amy’s soft lips touching her own and more of her hand caressing her skin. She grinned, being too tired to even try to hide it.

"Another year already, huh?" Rosa said before leaving another peck on Amy’s lips. A longer one, but still a peck.

Her voice was deep and raspy. It gave shivers to Amy. And a teethed smile escaped from her own lips after they left Rosa’s.

Fuck she's so hot.

\-------------

August 15th. All the happy thoughts have already left Santiago’s stressed head. Amy now had fifteen days to crack The Johnson’s case and there was no way she could finish it in two weeks. She refused to have her hopes up. It led nowhere. She had never been so caught up on a case. Shit, it was too much. She needed to solve it no matter what. She’s a great detective, she can’t leave a case just like that.

The reason why she was so into it was as much of a mystery as who killed them. Maybe it was the age of the little kid. Maybe he reminded her of her little cousin Pablo. Maybe it was the similarity that the husband had with that old picture of her grandpa when he was younger. Maybe it was that they had the same furniture as her own parents.

Or maybe it was the fact that the wife looked so much like Rosa. At first glance, she would have sworn it was Diaz. Fuck, she swore it was her. Even though she had seen her a few minutes ago, she couldn’t help but think it was her.

But that didn’t matter now. What mattered was that she must finish that case. She and only she by herself. It was Rosa who was on that floor with six shots – three on her chest, two on the leg and one on the abdomen-. No. No, it wasn’t… but still.

Flashes of the Captain’s words kept coming to her head and made her stress more than she already was.

"I know you have been working very hard on The Johnsons' murder case, but I have been informed this morning that Major Crimes is wanting it"

Amy's stress wasn't subtle. At all. She was constantly going from side to side. Looking for clues in the crime scene all over again. Braiding her hair frenetically. Singing awkward old songs when she was trying to focus. Skipping meals. Breaking her sleeping schedule. Not sleeping at all. It was eating her alive. The fact that she was running out of time drove her crazy. How could she not solve a murder case? What kind of detective would she be if she didn’t solve this? It was supposed she was a good detective. Why, then, was this so fucking hard?

"If the case is not solved for the end of the month, Major Crimes is taking it. That is what the superiors had told me. Dismissed."

\-------------

Amy's body was curled up in the middle of her bed with the sheets over her, thinking about the case, trying to link what she has already memorized. Her knees were in her chest and her head was between them, feeling defeated already. A couple of tears were already coming out of her eyes. It's been days since she last had more than 5 minutes of sleep. It was on August 25. Her stress was increasing as the clock was running, but just like her case, Amy couldn’t move forward. She was already blocked. She doesn’t want to step back, but she isn’t going forward either. Plus, her third mental breakdown of the week left her exhausted. Or was it a panic attack? She’s not sure anymore.

Without any previous warning, tears began to fall down her cheeks… for the fourth time that day. They were silent tears at first, but the knot in her throat was too much and soon she started sobbing without any control.

Why haven’t you solved it? It’s just a stupid case! Solve it! You need to solve it! Why are you so stupid to solve this!!

Her own mind was torturing her.

\-------------

"Come on, Santiago, open the door." Rosa was knocking their bedroom door for the second time this afternoon. "I know you're in there, open up."

No response, just like earlier today.

“Amy, open the damn door.”

Rosa realized she would get nowhere by knocking the door any longer, but she couldn't step back. Even though she didn't want to admit it, she was scared... she was worried. She's seen Amy stressing out before, but not like this. It was somehow different this time. Amy was blocked and did nothing but work on the case. It wasn't healthy at all. Rosa couldn’t let her damage herself a minute more.

"Babe?" Her tone was softer this time. And just like that, that word made Amy's senses pay attention to the voice on the other side of the door. For a moment she forgot about the case and the tears that were coming out of her eyes. It was a brief, brief, moment of peace and calm. "Babe, please open up." It didn’t last a lot. Suddenly, a few seconds later, Amy started crying again.

It was not likely for Rosa to be begging. Fuck it, Amy is her girlfriend. She’d do anything for her, begging was nothing.

"I'm coming in."

Rosa took a hairpin out of who-knows-where and forced the door open. There wasn’t time to go for the key. For one moment in a long time, Rosa was scared. Scared that something was happening. Something bad. Something irreversible.

Once she entered the bedroom, she saw nothing. The lights were off, and the curtains closed to darken the whole room. Rosa did not turn on the lights. Instead, she walked to what she thought was Amy: a darker spot in the middle of the bed.

Rosa knew Amy felt bad. She didn't want to stress her more nor cause her to cry by saying the wrong thing. What could she say in a situation like this? She didn’t know how to proceed. If only she could ask Amy what to do. Except that it was Amy what this is all about.

"Hey, Ames." The mattress sank when the weight of Rosa fell into it. "You good?"

Rosa could listen to the soft sobs and the shaking breath of Amy. It was breaking her heart in small little pieces.

"C' mon, talk to me. What's the matter?"

Amy took her head out of the comfortable space between her legs and her chest and lifted it. It was so dark she couldn't recognize where Rosa's hair started and where it ended or what her eyes were looking at.

"Nothing. I'm just emotional"

Amy's voice sounded shaky and breathy, almost like a whisper. It seemed like she had been screaming for hours enough to damage her throat. Maybe she had.

"Is it because of the case?"

"What? No. What makes you think that?"

"Amy, it's obvious that that case is driving you crazy.” She's had three mental breakdowns and two panic attacks this week. “I think you should better drop the case."

"I'm not dropping that case because it's not driving me nothing. I'm perfectly fine."

Rosa put her hand on the mattress, looking for Amy's. A few seconds later she found it and put it between her two hands.

"Babe, I'm here to help you. I don't like seeing you suffer like this"

"I'm not... I told you, I'm just a little emotional. I don't need help."

How could Rosa fall for such a big lie?

\-------------

It was on August 31. Amy was nowhere near solving the case. When the clock marked 10:00 AM, Major Crimes was on the precinct to pick up the files they needed to continue with what was, until then, Amy's case. She handed the mountain of papers to them as if they were taking part of her soul. She didn't take her eyes off the screen for the rest of her shift. Rosa couldn't get hers out of Amy.

She was worried as fuck.

\------------

Eight days later, Rosa was driving with Amy in the passenger sit back to the apartment. None of them spoke while on the road. Amy was unusually silent since the end of August. She still felt she had failed. She's a Santiago, a Santiago doesn't fail. 

On the other hand, Rosa didn't know what to say for her to feel better. Why did she have to be so bad at feelings? She never hated it until now. She could always say something wrong that made her girlfriend feel worse – if that was even possible – because that's how bad she is at trying to comfort somebody she cares about. But Rosa couldn't look at Amy without noticing the unusually super long sleeves blouse Amy was wearing today. It was a mystery to her, but they could talk about that later. In a few minutes, once they get to the apartment.

\------------

The door closed right behind Rosa and the warmth of the inside of their apartment got to her. Amy went straight to the bathroom, just like she always did when they got back from work. But it was different this time. Rosa couldn’t hear the clacking of her two inches high heels while she was walking. It made Rosa worry. It was just an annoying sound missing, except it wasn’t. She couldn’t ignore all the signs for any longer. She has to do something… right?

When Amy came out of the bathroom, she was already on her long-sleeved dark pajamas. Rosa approached to her girlfriend, who was laying on the couch trying to find something to watch on the TV.

How a conversation like this can be started? Think, Rosa. Think.

“Ames?” She just answered by humming. “Is there something wrong?”

“What do you mean?” Her eyes still watching the screen.

“You’ve been… off lately.”

“It’s nothing.”

“C’mon, talk to me. We’ll solve it together.”

“I said I’m fine!”

Rosa was lowkey shocked. Amy never yelled. Not to her. Suddenly, she couldn’t hold it anymore.

“No, you’re not! I know you aren’t. I’m not stupid, Amy!”

“I’m telling you I’m fine.”

“Oh, really?” Rosa started listing things with her fingers. “You’re quiet all the time. Suddenly all you wear is long-sleeved even though it’s 30°C. I haven’t seen you smile for days. You’re only coming home to watch reality shows that appear on the TV. You aren’t even eating anymore!” Amy’s eyes moved from the shiny TV to the carpeted floor. “Talk to me, Ames.”

“I… Rosa, it’s nothing.”

“Why won’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course, I trust you! But it really isn’t a big deal.”

“I swear to God. If this is because of that stupid case-”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Amy finally looked at Rosa’s eyes, lacking the spark they usually had. It broke Rosa’s heart a little bit more. “I don’t fucking wanna talk about it. Just drop it already.”

“Oh, but we will, and I won’t stop until we solve this. That case drove you crazy for weeks, you can’t let it hunt you when it’s not yours anymore!”

“See, that’s the problem. I should’ve solved that case. Me! Not the Vulture, not Jake, not Major Crimes. Me.”

“Why are you making such a big deal about it?!”

“She looked like you, okay?! She looked so goddamn much like you it hurts!”

“But I’m here! Ames, I’m right here.”

“You know what? I’m leaving. You don’t get it and you never will.”

Amy stood up from the couch leaving Rosa sitting on it by herself. She was going to walk towards the bedroom when Rosa took her by the wrist.

“Don’t you dare-” Rosa cut herself. Even though Amy took it just as fast, the sight of Amy’s wrist stayed inside Rosa’s brain immediately, making her worry grow quickly. “Amy, what’s that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Tienes que estar bromeando.” Rosa could feel an unfamiliar knot growing on her throat. “Let me see.”

Amy knew there was no escape this time. She couldn’t avoid it anymore anyways, so she lifted her sleeves until they reached her elbows and showed the interior of her arms. Scars were all through her skin, some more recently than others, some deeper than others.

Rosa couldn’t look for much time. She was disappointed on herself. She was because she didn’t do something earlier. She was because she didn’t notice before.

She opened her eyes again and looked right into Amy’s, trying look for answers. Amy didn’t remember the last time she saw Rosa with watering eyes. The sight of it made her hide her scars once again, putting her arms against her chest as if she was protecting them.

“Why?”

Amy denied moving her head.

“It’s not important.”

“Amy, stop pushing me away for Jesus sake.” Her voice cracked.

“It’s stupid. I don’t want you to worry.” Now Amy was crying.

Rosa got closer.

“If it is making you feel like this then it’s not stupid. Of course, I’m going to worry”, Rosa put her right hand against Amy’s left cheek, “I care about you.”

Amy closed her eyes when their skins made contact and stayed like that for a few seconds before stepping back.

“Y-you shouldn’t. I’m a lost cause.”

“No, I’m not giving up on you.” Rosa got close. “Let me help you. All I want is for you to be fine. To be happy.”

“I said I don’t need help.”

“Yes, you do!” Rosa snapped. “You can’t do this alone, Amy. You need help!”

“No, I don’t. I’m completely fine.”

“Self-harming is not being fine!! ¿Por qué no te das cuenta?” Rosa’s Spanish made everything inside Amy shake. For a moment, it made her feel weak.

“It’s not that bad…”

“¡Sí lo es, joder! ¡Déjame ayudarte! Tell me how.” Rosa sounded desperate.

“You can’t help me.”

“Déjame intentarlo.”

“Why do you care!?” Amy’s tears started falling.

“¡¡Porque te amo!!” Amy froze. Rosa was not likely to talk about her feelings, but right now she could see her managing not to cry, even though her eyes were already filled with tears.

That’s when both of them gave up against the tears and the feelings. They closed the space between them. Amy hid her face against her girlfriend’s chest and started crying loudly. Rosa, on the other hand, wrapped her arms around Santiago’s shaking body, feeling the warm tears go down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” Amy whispered with tears still falling.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“I should’ve told you before.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” Rosa took Amy’s face between her hands. “Now what’s more important is for you to get better, okay?”

Amy nodded her head before feeling her girlfriend’s lips against her forehead.

“I’m here, babe.” They stared at each other’s eyes. Rosa kept talking. “We’ll do this together. I’m not leaving.”


End file.
